What Would Piss Off Dipper?
by Janus-Ekat writer
Summary: A few of less than Dipper's friends decide to come up with ideas to extract their revenge on him. In a humorous non-violent way. (Slightly parody/crack.) Let's be real here if his enemies could have their revenge on him, he'd be dead 5 times over. Ideas from reviewers welcome! Second chapter up: Jeff and the Gnome decide on a new leader. All hail the Skittle Lord!
1. Chapter 1

**I've been clawing my way out of the pit of no story ideas by pointless surfing Facebook and came to the conclusion on what I should write… A totally awesome slightly crack story called "WWPOD" or "What Would Piss Off Dipper" **

**A list of nemeses: Gideon, Bill, The wax figures, The Dusk 2 Dawn ghosts (Ma and Pa), Pacifica, Robbie, Jeff, Clones 3 and 4 (who, on a note never returned after stealing Robbie's bike.), Rumble Mc Skirmish, and the Sumerween Trickster.**

**I have left out some of the characters that I believed didn't really have a thought process that would be easy to follow, or (maybe a bit impetuous of me) weren't smart enough. While Mr. Poolcheck and the Manotuars are on his official list as an enemy, they didn't really seek revenge on him. The Manotuars didn't really care and Mr. Poolcheck is an unstable psychopath. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity falls!**

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**Character: Pacifica**

**Plan: Get Dipper to fall for me then grind his heat to dust!**

**Attempts: All failed so far…**

Dipper rolled his eyes again. It had been a week since Pioneer Day and Pacifica had taken up the habit of stalking him recently. She was sitting at one of the tables in the dinner pretending to read a menu, but really looking at Dipper. He pretended to ignore her for a while longer before walking up to her.

"Ummm Pacifica?" He asked, painfully oblivious to her plan thanks to already being interested in Wendy. She slowly lowered her menu and looked at him down the length of her nose. "Yes, can I help you? Not that I would if I could." She replied.

Dipper rubbed the back of his neck aquardly. "Ummm, er can you stop, er stalking me plea-" Pacifica rolled her eyes and took out a nail file. "Yes Dipper I like you to, you can pick me up at 6." "What are you talking about?" He sputtered.

She started to file her nails into perfect ovals. "Dipper, Dipper, I know the sheer magnitude of this offer takes a little while to sink in…" "Look Pacifica, I don't know where you got that idea from. Not only that you hate my guts and my sister!"

Suddenly she stabbed the file into the dilapidated wood of the table. "Dipper Pines," she said through gritted teeth, "You will go out on a date with me!" Dipper backed away slowly. "No! You've gone crazy!" He yelled running out of the dinner Pacifica followed behind. "Date me!" She screamed. Soon he came up to the shack and he locked Pacifica out of the building.

"Whoa what happened to you?" Stan asked as Dipper walked in. "That crazy girl who hates Mabel thought I was interested in her and now I'm trapped inside." Dipper replied between breaths.

"Ha, just like me when I was younger." Stan said wistfully, obviously remembering his first few encounters with Carla "Hot Pants" McCorkle. "Now stop sweating in the shop or I'll bring back the Pre-teen Wolf-Boy costume." He added gruffly.

They looked over at Pacifica who was clawing at the window with her now perfectly manicured nails. They couldn't quite hear what she was yelling through the glass but it sounded suspiciously like "Go on a date with me so I can get revenge on your family!"

After changing out of his sweaty clothes someone rang the doorbell. "Dipper it's for you." Mabel yelled. He ran down the stairs only to come face-to-face with Pacifica. "Ahhhhhhh!" He yelled, falling backwards.

"Just leave me alone already!" "Never!" Mabel and Stan watched the two argue on the lawn from the on porch. "Wow she is _really _bent on revenge." Mabel said sagely. "Revenge?" Stan asked sipping a Pitt Cola. "It's just one of those complicated girl things don't worry about it." She replied, batting a hand, "I know what to do."

"Hey you two must be interested in each other because your argue like an old married couple!" She yelled over at them. Pacifica froze, turned to Mabel with a look of horror on her face. "If I date him," she said pointing to Dipper, "that makes us kind-of sisters in-law." An ear piercing shriek cut through the summer air.

Pacifica ran-tail between her legs- off the property. "Thanks Mabel." Dipper said wiping his brow. "What a psycho." He turned to walk inside. Maybe he should add a page in three about clingy, infatuated, stalkers.

"How did you know that would scare her off?" Stan inquired taking a long sip of his drink. "That was not one of the best thought through plans. Having me as a sister in-law would be sort of counter productive to her goal." Stan spat out his pop. "Good god is that Mabel speaking?" Stan asked her.

A dark shadow fell over Mabel's grinning face. "I wouldn't be too thankful." She added darkly. Stan raised an eyebrow. "Oh yea, why's that?" "Grunkle Stan if there's one thing I know, when the girl tries to make the guy fall for her so she can break his heart she always ends realizing she actually does have secret feelings for him. In three, two, one-"

"Eiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"

"Oh boy."

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**Love it? Hate it? This is classified under a strict humor/parody category. Feel free to give me ideas on what Jeff could do to get revenge. (Please don't say kidnap Mabel because that's already taken by the worlds best and most stylish pyramid.)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey look I'm back with another chapter! Everything was all crazy and delayed because I use two different computers (Divorced parents.) and occasionally I forget or run out of time to save my work on a jump drive or E-mail it to myself. Meaning for five or more days of the week one of my stories is stranded all alone at my dad's. This chapter is slightly more crack-ish than hummor-ish. All hail the Skittle Lord! Thanks for all of the reviews you guys! I'm debating what to call this chapter I'm thinking either "Double Rainbow" or "The Power of Skittles." tell me what you think! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity Falls or Skittles.**

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**Character: Jeff and the Other Gnomes**

**Plan: There wasn't really one it was totally coincidental..**

**Attempts: Success (At least that's what Jeff told the others)**

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_**Earlier that same day...**_

Jeff strolled through the forest, there wasn't really much for the others to do so Jeff had set about making plans for revenge on Dipper and getting Mabel to fall in love with him again, seeing as that was really the only solid thing he wanted to get done before the-

Suddenly he walked into something, he looked up from his short height. Why was there a glowing rectangle in the middle of the forest? Calling over the others, they surrounded it. They looked around it curiously, some of the gnomes pressed the buttons on it. There was a dinging sound and the vending machine dropped a package of Skittles at Jeff's feet.

He cautiously opened the package on shoved some skittles into the nearest lackey's mouth. Seeing as he didn't die, Jeff bent down on his knees.

"All hail the Skittles Lord! The most rainbow-filled, amazing thing I've ever seen!"

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Dipper was walking through the forest to put up more signs advertizing the Mystery Shack's newest attraction. "Who's even going to see the signs?" He asked sarcastically to himself, "The Gnomes?"

"Well I don' t know maybe we would." Jeff said stepping out of the shadows. Dipper rolled his eyes "What is it with my enemies and appearing from the shadows?" He asked Jeff. "We every evil being is different some like it because-" He started, "Wait you drove me off topic! Dipper Pines prepare to meet you maker!" Dipper just rolled his eyes and kept on walking, "Get in line, the same goes for making Mabel yours, Gideon's already been working on that."

Jeff ran to catch up with him. "You underestimate our race's abilities, and under our new leader-" "New leader?" Dipper questioned. Jeff smiled "Yes! All hail the Skittles Lord" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

The rest of the gnomes surrounded Dipper. "Wait Skittles? As in the Candy?" He enquired. "What, is your ruler a vending machine?" Jeff attempted to slap him, his short height resulting in him only reaching the boy's knees. "Never insult out leader!" His tiny voice reprimanded him.

"So what is your plan? Death by vending machine? That's pretty lame." Jeff's voice took on a darker tone, which just made him sound more chipmunk-like. "I'm sure you're familiar with the slogan,_ find the rainbow taste the rainbow_?" He asked. "Well we found the rainbow! And soon my- I mean the Skittle Lord's minions will have eaten so many that they will become sick and-"

"Whoa to much information!" Dipper screamed. Jeff gave a glare before continuing. "And they'll create, a double rainbow! In which you will be covered in and have to walk around humiliated and sparkly, attracting large birds and tourists!"

"Wait, so your whole evil plan is to just cover me in rainbow coloured vomit?"

"Yes! Gnomes attack!"

"Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!"

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For the second time that week, Dipper ran into the gift shop of the Mystery Shack covered in sweat and what looked like sparkles and rainbows. Stan looked up from his counting of that days profits. "What happened to you?" He asked. "Did that crazy girl from yesterday try to get her revenge on you again?"

Dipper shook his head panting. "Well you're dripping rainbow and sparkles all over my shop so go get cleaned up!"

Stan shook his head as Dipper ran out of the shop. _"Crazy kid, wonder how that even happened?" _He thought to himself as he closed up shop for the day.

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**Special thanks to Peace Love And Smile Dip for the idea about making the gnomes barf rainbows again! And another story done! Next up is the Dusk 2 Dawn Ghosts. Here's a preview of one coming maybe two or so chapters later.**

Bill floated around a dreamscape. Feeling bored, the dream demon hadn't conjured anymore than a night sky around him. Normally he wasn't one to get bored, (Seeing as he didn't have feelings and emotions, in a way.) usually he would just torment some innocent people or start a war, but it wasn't as satisfying knowing that they had no idea what was going on or who he was. So how about an enemy? He had decided to instead of just wiping away the existence of one of his many nemesis why not just bother one?

He looked up at the sky, one of the dominant summer constalations, Ursa Major, or the Big Dipper stood out more than usual this time. Hmmm, the The Pines family hadn't heard from him in a while...

It seemed a few other of Dipper's less-than-friends had been bothering him all week. He didn't want to do the same things all the others had done. Curse that Gideon and his sometimes similar ideas! He looked back up at the sky, where a shooting star was falling. _Perfect._


End file.
